Hello my family and friends,
Well, CHRISTmas is over now for another year. We hope it was wonderful and wonderous for all of you. For us here, it most certainly was. Larry and I both look at CHRISTmas through new and more humble eyes, and are so much more appreciative of life, and of each other. I feel so blessed to have been here to celebrate one more CHRISTmas on this earth, with my beloved family and friends.
Today was my FINAL chemo treatment -- YAY!! It has been hard on me physically as well as emotionally. Nothing could have prepared me for what was to come when I began chemo 16 long weeks ago. There were side effects that I did and did not mention here on my blog, because I wanted to stay positive and keep a positive outlook. But believe me, it was difficult. Because my cancer was NOT considered to have been detected early, because it was so advanced and aggressive, my treatments were harder and stronger, and the side effects have been brutal. The neuropathy in my hands, feet, lips and tongue has worsened, and they had considered not giving me this final eighth treatment for fear the neuropathy would be permanant. Then yesterday, my oncologist decided that the benefits outweighed the risks in taking that last treatment. After all, I would rather increase my chances of survival and have numb hands, than decrease my chances of survival. In the meantime, I have been prescribed drugs to help with the neuropathy, and it's been recommended I supplement those with large doses of B Complex vitamins to help with the healing of the nerve endings in my extremities. I am praying it works.
Other side effects have, for me, caused bulging, discolored fingernails; shriveled fingertips; significant weight gain; bloating; swelling; digestive/gastrointestinal issues with some bleeding; heartburn; unimagineable daily bone pain; insurmountable exhaustion; and frequent bloody noses. Add to that the continuing expansion of my tissue expander, which has by this point, become so tight and nearly unbearably uncomfortable (it's like an immovable rock sitting inside my chest wall), throw in the nausea, and DANG, this chemo stuff has whipped my ever-lovin' TAIL!
So, the best part of today is that chemo is OVER FOR ME! I know I will still have at least two weeks ahead now during which I will feel so crummy. Sometimes the fatigue is so bad that I am too exhausted LITERALLY to uncross my ankles. Truly, chemo does make you feel exhaustion that is immeasurable and hard to explain. Those of you who've had the unfortunate experience of having gone through it can understand. The staff at the chemo clinic was so good to me today (they always are), as they saw me off by having all the nurses gather around me to blow bubbles, applaud, hand me a "graduation" certificate, pin a lovely angel on my shirt (to watch over me during radiation treatments), and to give me the angel ornament that hung on my IV pole for all these chemo treatments.
Of course, I have no hair, no breast -- and as my son Mark reminds me, "and no cancer, mom!" -- so despite the difficulties chemo brings, I am very, very, VERY blessed. For me, it was very nearly too late, especially when a pulmonary embolism decided to make an appearance to add to my maladies. Ahh, but now that chemo is over with, my hair should start growing back soon. Maybe by summer, I will have enough hair to retire my wig. I still do have eyelashes and eyebrows, though very, VERY sparse. This morning, I had to laugh. I was filling in my scant eyebrows with pencil, and used my old, vintage eyebrow brush to blend the pencil color into the single row of eyebrow hairs that remain. That brush is sooooo old that most of its bristles are missing. Suddenly I laughed. Finally the brush was perfectly suited to my eyebrows!
My prognosis remains pretty good, yet I am still very scared. My doctors and nurses each and every one, as well as my breast-cancer-survivor sisters, have all told me that my fear is a normal part of this process, and that it is understandable. The advice my oncologist gave me yesterday was, "Don't worry in advance." He reminded me to take each day one at a time and consider each a gift, to thank God at the end of the day for making it through that day, and pray that He will give me another day tomorrow. And really, that's all any of us can do, right? One thing I am most grateful for is my strong faith. Without it, I would not be here. I know I wouldn't.
So what's next? Well, I get about a month off. Then, radiation begins. We have a consultation with the radiation oncologist next week, at which time we will have a more defined schedule. But my oncologist tells me that radiation will last anywhere from 6 to 10 weeks, 5 days a week. After radiation ends, I will have another 2 or 3 months off from treatments, then reconstructive surgery will continue. Long process, but the payoff for a few more years on this earth with my beloved family and friends is WORTH IT.
This CHRISTmas for us was extra sweet, extra special, full of laughter and love. Our entire family was here at our house ("grandma and grandpa's house"). All of our kids and their significant others, all our grandchildren, and Larry's mother were all in attendance. We opened presents with vigor and frenzy, and the house was filled with joy. And I stood off in the corner and just soaked in all the love and positive energy, wishing I could bottle it and open it each time I get down. I took photo after photo in the hope of preserving the moment, never forgetting how special it was. Larry and I have four grandchildren; his son has a son (Cameron, nearly 2 years old) and his daughter has two daughters (Brooke, almost 6, and Paige, 4). And I have my son's son, Duke (18 months). For Christmas, we had asked our kids to get all the four grandkids together for a photo. Duke is "at that age" at which whenever he sees a camera, he FREAKS OUT. This Chirstmas portrait, which our kids blessed us with this year, was no exception. Duke is M-A-D about the situation and it shows in the portrait. We got such a kick out of this photo, that I decided to post it here. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do. It is precious.
I could not have gotten this far in my rigerous cancer treatments and surgeries without the love and support of each and every one of you. Thank you forever. FOREVER. I will continue to keep my blog updated and continue to thank all of you for caring enough to read it. Larry is also appreciative of all the love and support we've received throughout this journey. Special thanks to my sister Bren, for also being there for me, going the extra mile, and taking me to a couple of those four-hour treatments, sitting there with me patiently, drip by drip. Larry and I both thank you and love you, Bren, for being there for both of us.
Happiest of New Years to all of you. We wish you love, happiness, and most of all, GOOD HEALTH.
Love to all,
Deb 333333333
PS: I noticed an option on here to "turn my blogs into a book." As I mentioned at the beginning of my journey, my motivaton for creating this blog was two-fold. One was to reach as many people as possible who cared about me, about my family, and about my progress. I will ever be humbled by the number of people who extended their thoughts and prayers to us. Secondly, I wanted my blogs to be a journaling tool for me. Therefore, I think I may look into this site's option of creating a hardcover book of my blogs. If any of you would like to add comments, I would love to have them as part of this book, as a forever-reminder of how much all of you mean to me, and of how blessed my life has been BECAUSE YOU CARED.
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Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Christmas is almost here!
Hello everyone,
I hope you are all enjoying your families this Christmas season, and that you are all ready for the big day! Here at our house, we are eager for Christmas morning to arrive, when all our kids and grandkids will be here to celebrate. And as for me, I have a deepened appreciation for this blessed holiday, and I am so thankful that I get to be alive this year to celebrate.
All of our shopping is done and all the presents are wrapped and under the tree, waiting. My son Mark and his girlfriend Sarah were kind enough to put up and decorate our tree, a job that is too big for me even when I feel well. Our (artificial) tree is very large and usually takes a couple of days to decorate. I so deeply appreciate Mark and Sarah taking on this daunting job. And a beautiful job they did, too!
I have tried to do some baking and candy-making this season, but I tire so easily, that's been a challenge. I want to do it though, because it makes me feel somewhat "normal" to do some of the things I used to do. So far I have made, chocolate-covered peanuts, chocolate-covered cashews, chocolate toffee crunch, a few dozen cookies, and a holiday mix of white-chocolate-covered snacks which always goes over SO WELL. I'd like to make some more cookies, but I am running out of steam. I have had to do all these things (including wrapping all these presents) on days I know I will feel somewhat okay, so there's been a lot of planning involved. Larry and I are unable this year to just jump in the car and go and do as we did in previous years; our adventures have to be carefully planned around days we think I might feel up to it, and even on those days, I wear out so easily.
Now to chemo. I have one more treatment to go -- YAY!!! However, the side effects of the chemo have been so hard on me that they are thinking of foregoing my last treatment, so I may not get the last one at all. The main concern is the neuropathy (numbness) that has developed in my fingers, toes and lips. I don't mind it so much in my toes and lips, but in my hands, ugh, it's been hard having no feeling in my fingers. They have given me meds to counteract this effect, but they aren't working. For my last chemo, the 7th, they reduced by 20% the Taxol drug, in the hope that the neuropathy would not get worse. They said that if it DOES get worse over these next two weeks before my next scheduled chemo, they may not give me that last treatment at all. Of course, this scares me; I want to do all I can and be as aggressive with my treatments as possible to keep my prognosis good, and my chances of the cancer returning, less. I might rather live with permanent neuropathy than the alternative. Gulp. We'll see -- I do trust my doctors and am confident they are doing the best they can for me. I HAVE to trust them.
If I do have that last treatment, it is scheduled for Dec 29. After that, I get a break for about a month, then it's on to radiation therapy. I am told that will be anywhere from 6 to 10 weeks, five days a week. I have regretted moving out here to the country ever since we did so in 2005. I regret it even more now. The frequent drives to all my doctors (which are all back in the immediate area of where we USED to live) get old when we are driving it from way out here. All these doctors I go to, as well as the hospital, are within about five minutes of our old house. Now, they are all at least a half-hour drive, about 30 miles one way. What were we thinking???? "Farm livin' aint the life for me!" We are hoping that I will feel well enough by spring time to put this house up on the market and get ourselves back to our beloved Rochester where we belong, and where everything is so convenient and familiar.
I have sure been getting a lot of rest, that is for SURE. All I do is lie around like a slug. But I am most often so wiped out, or in pain, or both, that all I CAN do is lie around. I will be glad to be back on my feet again one day, and I hope that I still have your prayers for doing so. All your prayers have helped me more than I can say, and I am so blessed by them. I appreciate all of you so much, think of all of you all the time, and am so humbled by your interest in me. Thank you a thousand times.
Merry, Merry Christmas to all of you and to your families too. May God's blessings touch you as they have touched me.
Love to all,
Deb 33333333333
I hope you are all enjoying your families this Christmas season, and that you are all ready for the big day! Here at our house, we are eager for Christmas morning to arrive, when all our kids and grandkids will be here to celebrate. And as for me, I have a deepened appreciation for this blessed holiday, and I am so thankful that I get to be alive this year to celebrate.
All of our shopping is done and all the presents are wrapped and under the tree, waiting. My son Mark and his girlfriend Sarah were kind enough to put up and decorate our tree, a job that is too big for me even when I feel well. Our (artificial) tree is very large and usually takes a couple of days to decorate. I so deeply appreciate Mark and Sarah taking on this daunting job. And a beautiful job they did, too!
I have tried to do some baking and candy-making this season, but I tire so easily, that's been a challenge. I want to do it though, because it makes me feel somewhat "normal" to do some of the things I used to do. So far I have made, chocolate-covered peanuts, chocolate-covered cashews, chocolate toffee crunch, a few dozen cookies, and a holiday mix of white-chocolate-covered snacks which always goes over SO WELL. I'd like to make some more cookies, but I am running out of steam. I have had to do all these things (including wrapping all these presents) on days I know I will feel somewhat okay, so there's been a lot of planning involved. Larry and I are unable this year to just jump in the car and go and do as we did in previous years; our adventures have to be carefully planned around days we think I might feel up to it, and even on those days, I wear out so easily.
Now to chemo. I have one more treatment to go -- YAY!!! However, the side effects of the chemo have been so hard on me that they are thinking of foregoing my last treatment, so I may not get the last one at all. The main concern is the neuropathy (numbness) that has developed in my fingers, toes and lips. I don't mind it so much in my toes and lips, but in my hands, ugh, it's been hard having no feeling in my fingers. They have given me meds to counteract this effect, but they aren't working. For my last chemo, the 7th, they reduced by 20% the Taxol drug, in the hope that the neuropathy would not get worse. They said that if it DOES get worse over these next two weeks before my next scheduled chemo, they may not give me that last treatment at all. Of course, this scares me; I want to do all I can and be as aggressive with my treatments as possible to keep my prognosis good, and my chances of the cancer returning, less. I might rather live with permanent neuropathy than the alternative. Gulp. We'll see -- I do trust my doctors and am confident they are doing the best they can for me. I HAVE to trust them.
If I do have that last treatment, it is scheduled for Dec 29. After that, I get a break for about a month, then it's on to radiation therapy. I am told that will be anywhere from 6 to 10 weeks, five days a week. I have regretted moving out here to the country ever since we did so in 2005. I regret it even more now. The frequent drives to all my doctors (which are all back in the immediate area of where we USED to live) get old when we are driving it from way out here. All these doctors I go to, as well as the hospital, are within about five minutes of our old house. Now, they are all at least a half-hour drive, about 30 miles one way. What were we thinking???? "Farm livin' aint the life for me!" We are hoping that I will feel well enough by spring time to put this house up on the market and get ourselves back to our beloved Rochester where we belong, and where everything is so convenient and familiar.
I have sure been getting a lot of rest, that is for SURE. All I do is lie around like a slug. But I am most often so wiped out, or in pain, or both, that all I CAN do is lie around. I will be glad to be back on my feet again one day, and I hope that I still have your prayers for doing so. All your prayers have helped me more than I can say, and I am so blessed by them. I appreciate all of you so much, think of all of you all the time, and am so humbled by your interest in me. Thank you a thousand times.
Merry, Merry Christmas to all of you and to your families too. May God's blessings touch you as they have touched me.
Love to all,
Deb 33333333333
Friday, December 11, 2009
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!
Hello to my dear family and friends!
It's been a long time since I've posted a blog. My apologies for that; I understand many people have been concerned as to where I've been. I am once again blessed that so many are concerned. THANK YOU!
Now to explain. Chemo's been a little rough. No, a LOT rough. The second four-hour round of chemo was worse than the first. The debilitating bone pain has now subsided for the most part (after 9 days), but the neuropathy (numbness) in my fingers has worsened. It is unknown whether the feeling will ever return to my fingers, and that has been worrisome. It is really difficult to have so little feeling in my extremities. I have been complaining to my oncologists about these side effects, and the doctors are deciding whether to weaken my dose of Taxol so it won't be so hard on me, and so that the serious and negative side effects won't be permanent. I have my pre-chemo doctor visit on Monday, the day before my next (7th) chemo treatment. I'm sure they will tell me at that time what the plan is to lessen these difficult side effects.
Up to now, I have been fortunate enough to keep my eyebrows and eyelashes, but now, they are one by one beginning to fall out. Thank goodness for eyeliner and eyebrow pencil!
I had yet another fill to my tissue expander yesterday too. The skin is now stretching so much, it is very taut and tight and very uncomfortable. But again, the object is to stretch the skin as much as possible, so that when I begin radiation, if so doing shrinks my skin, there will still be enough to reconstruct without having to harvest skin from elsewhere. (gulp)
The weather here in Michigan has turned very cold now. Yesterday it was only 16 degrees; today it reached about 20 degrees. We had our first snow earlier this week. The weatherman had predicted that we'd wake to snow, so when I got out of bed, I went to the window. Sure enough, we'd had a little snow, it was c-c-c-cold and very windy. I don't mean to sound sappy, but I have to say, as "nasty" as our weather was, for the first time, I didn't look at it as nasty. No, I literally thanked God that I got to see another season change. I sure look at things differently now.
My husband Larry continues to be such a blessing to me. He has truly been here for me every step of the way, and I know it hasn't been easy for him. If anyone has any ideas on how I can ever show him how much I appreciate his love and caring, please let me know! His compassion and his management of all my doctor appointments and insurance issues, on top of his TLC for me is something no one could ever put a price on. Larry has not been feeling well of late himself and has been battling bronchitis for a couple of weeks.
My sister Brenda took me to the last four-hour chemo treatment, and is planning to take me to the next one this coming Tuesday. This gives Larry a bit of a break, and Bren and I sit and blab the four hours away. It's so nice. I am very thankful to Bren for her constant support too; by the time Bren picks me up, then sits with me through the four-hour treatment, then we go out to lunch, and she drives me back home, it sucks up the better part of her day. I'm sure, especially at this busy time of year, she could use this time for other things. I am so appreciative of her giving up her time for me!
Where the heck is Tiger Woods? (Nancy Grace is tearing him up as I write this.)
Like everyone, we are preparing for CHRISTmas at our house. I am looking forward to it more this year than I ever have! Another blessing! With each year that the term "Merry Christmas" becomes more and more threatened, I have taken JOY in saying it every chance I get. This year, I am especially happy to say it. I feel like George Bailey -- I want to shout it from the rooftops! (I just wish I had his energy!)
Until next time, my sincere prayer is that each and every one of you reading this has a wonderful CHRISTmas and a blessed and HEALTHY New Year. And thank you ALL for all your prayers and messages of support for me as well as for Larry. We are truly grateful for all the support, without which, this journey would be so much more difficult!
Love to all and MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
Debbie 33333
It's been a long time since I've posted a blog. My apologies for that; I understand many people have been concerned as to where I've been. I am once again blessed that so many are concerned. THANK YOU!
Now to explain. Chemo's been a little rough. No, a LOT rough. The second four-hour round of chemo was worse than the first. The debilitating bone pain has now subsided for the most part (after 9 days), but the neuropathy (numbness) in my fingers has worsened. It is unknown whether the feeling will ever return to my fingers, and that has been worrisome. It is really difficult to have so little feeling in my extremities. I have been complaining to my oncologists about these side effects, and the doctors are deciding whether to weaken my dose of Taxol so it won't be so hard on me, and so that the serious and negative side effects won't be permanent. I have my pre-chemo doctor visit on Monday, the day before my next (7th) chemo treatment. I'm sure they will tell me at that time what the plan is to lessen these difficult side effects.
Up to now, I have been fortunate enough to keep my eyebrows and eyelashes, but now, they are one by one beginning to fall out. Thank goodness for eyeliner and eyebrow pencil!
I had yet another fill to my tissue expander yesterday too. The skin is now stretching so much, it is very taut and tight and very uncomfortable. But again, the object is to stretch the skin as much as possible, so that when I begin radiation, if so doing shrinks my skin, there will still be enough to reconstruct without having to harvest skin from elsewhere. (gulp)
The weather here in Michigan has turned very cold now. Yesterday it was only 16 degrees; today it reached about 20 degrees. We had our first snow earlier this week. The weatherman had predicted that we'd wake to snow, so when I got out of bed, I went to the window. Sure enough, we'd had a little snow, it was c-c-c-cold and very windy. I don't mean to sound sappy, but I have to say, as "nasty" as our weather was, for the first time, I didn't look at it as nasty. No, I literally thanked God that I got to see another season change. I sure look at things differently now.
My husband Larry continues to be such a blessing to me. He has truly been here for me every step of the way, and I know it hasn't been easy for him. If anyone has any ideas on how I can ever show him how much I appreciate his love and caring, please let me know! His compassion and his management of all my doctor appointments and insurance issues, on top of his TLC for me is something no one could ever put a price on. Larry has not been feeling well of late himself and has been battling bronchitis for a couple of weeks.
My sister Brenda took me to the last four-hour chemo treatment, and is planning to take me to the next one this coming Tuesday. This gives Larry a bit of a break, and Bren and I sit and blab the four hours away. It's so nice. I am very thankful to Bren for her constant support too; by the time Bren picks me up, then sits with me through the four-hour treatment, then we go out to lunch, and she drives me back home, it sucks up the better part of her day. I'm sure, especially at this busy time of year, she could use this time for other things. I am so appreciative of her giving up her time for me!
Where the heck is Tiger Woods? (Nancy Grace is tearing him up as I write this.)
Like everyone, we are preparing for CHRISTmas at our house. I am looking forward to it more this year than I ever have! Another blessing! With each year that the term "Merry Christmas" becomes more and more threatened, I have taken JOY in saying it every chance I get. This year, I am especially happy to say it. I feel like George Bailey -- I want to shout it from the rooftops! (I just wish I had his energy!)
Until next time, my sincere prayer is that each and every one of you reading this has a wonderful CHRISTmas and a blessed and HEALTHY New Year. And thank you ALL for all your prayers and messages of support for me as well as for Larry. We are truly grateful for all the support, without which, this journey would be so much more difficult!
Love to all and MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
Debbie 33333
Sunday, November 22, 2009
More Four-Hour Chemo News
... And here I thought that even though these last four chemo treatments were twice as long, I thought they'd be more tolerable since I was told there'd be no nausea with these, but rather, "some bone pain." Well, they know whereof they speak. Beginning Wedesday night, my back began to hurt, then my legs, then my hips, my arms ... every bone in my body throbbed and ached so bad that I just couldn't get any relief. Even Vicodin didn't touch it. Now it's Sunday, and while the bone pain has finally subsided to a more tolerable level, it's still there, and I still feel pretty blah. I still don't feel like doing anything except lying down all the time. I sure hate to complain, but as I've said before, this chemo business is ROUGH STUFF. And I can't help but wonder if this is the degree of pain and discomfort that bone cancer patients suffer ...
I don't sleep well either; sleep is rare. And when I do sleep, it is a very light sleep, and if I'm wakened, that's it, I'm up. Ugh.
This phase of the chemo can also cause neuropathy, a numbness and tingling in the fingertips, which could be permanent. Of course, I have that now.
I wonder if radiation will be as miserable as chemo ...
Anyway, three more chemo's to go. I am heading toward the finish line, and my veins seem to be holding up. Thank God.
At the beginning of my journey, one of my dear supporters warned me that "breast cancer is not for sissies." She was so right. And I'm starting to think that's exactly what I am -- a big ol' sissy.
Thank you everyone, for continuing to follow my blog, and for continuing to pray.
Love, Deb 3333333333
I don't sleep well either; sleep is rare. And when I do sleep, it is a very light sleep, and if I'm wakened, that's it, I'm up. Ugh.
This phase of the chemo can also cause neuropathy, a numbness and tingling in the fingertips, which could be permanent. Of course, I have that now.
I wonder if radiation will be as miserable as chemo ...
Anyway, three more chemo's to go. I am heading toward the finish line, and my veins seem to be holding up. Thank God.
At the beginning of my journey, one of my dear supporters warned me that "breast cancer is not for sissies." She was so right. And I'm starting to think that's exactly what I am -- a big ol' sissy.
Thank you everyone, for continuing to follow my blog, and for continuing to pray.
Love, Deb 3333333333
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Got through the first four-hour chemo!
Hello to all of you, and thank you for reading my blogs.
Yesterday was my first four-hour chemo treatment. I didn't know what to expect, but it's behind me now, and I have only three more chemo's to go! (Then it's on to radiation treatments.)
I was pretty happy to know that these last four chemo's were not going to make me so sick. However, I could tell as my nurse was hooking me up to the IV that she had something on her mind. She began by telling me that this type of chemo could cause a "reaction." When I asked her what type of reaction, she said she didn't want to put it in my head by telling me what I might experience, but that they had to let me know a reaction could occur. So she just kept telling me that if I "felt funny," to let her know right away, that she would then stop the drip, treat the symptoms, the symptoms would subside, and the chemo could continue. I began to panic a bit: "What symptoms would you treat?" She still didn't want to tell me. Her best answer was that they were very experienced in handling these reactions when they occurred, and that they were equipped there to handle any emergency. Now I was REALLY in a panic; I am a high-anxiety patient as it is (I have probably mentioned that before!). So, tears began. The nurse said my treatment would begin with two drugs to prevent this reaction, one of which was Benedryl, and that the Benedryl would make me groggy and sleepy, which it did. So as soon as the drip started, I drifted off into a light, twilight sleep. FORTUNATELY, I did NOT have this dreaded "reaction" after the first 15 minutes, and the nurse told Larry that if I hadn't had a reaction by then, that I wouldn't have one at all. WHEW! Long story short, I slept through pretty much all of the four-hour treatment, and through most of the rest of yesterday. Apparently, had I had this "reaction," it would have been a respiratory thing -- hard to breathe, a full feeling in my ears, etc. I wish she'd just told me that from the beginning; it may have eased my stress.
They keep insisting that these last four treatments won't make me nauseous. My nausea usually starts two days after my Tuesday treatment, so while I feel pretty good today in the nausea department, I am reserving judgment for a couple of days, to see if I get sick. I hope they're right about the nausea being over with for me. With this phase of the chemo, my bones will ache (even more), but I would rather have that than the awful and long-lasting nausea.
I still feel so blessed. When I get discouraged, I have to remind myself of how far I've come. Remember when I couldn't wait to get those awful drains removed? Remember when I was incapacitated and hospitalized for a week with that threatening blood clot in my lung? Or when I had not yet even started chemo? Gosh, now my drains are LONG GONE, my blood clot is resolving, and I am more than half way through my chemo treatments. My reconstruction continues with regular fills to my tissue expander (ouch!). And while I have a LONG way to go yet, I have come a long way, too.
Thank you to EVERYONE who has cared about me and my progress. For reading my blogs, and asking about me. I am still not up to answering indivdual emails. I am SO EXHAUSTED all the time -- just wiped out. But I promise to do so just as soon as I am able. For now, it seems all I can do to make it to almost-daily doctor appointments of one type or another, and to blog every few days. And I kid you not, THIS IS HARD. But again, I praise and thank all of you who support me in every single way. As I said, from those who ask about me regularly, to those who keep up with my blogs, to those who email me and are patient with me in knowing that I can't answer all of you right now, to those of you who send cards and prayers, I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. Truly I do. I will never be able to properly thank all of you. Please know that YOU ARE KEEPING ME GOING!
Prayers please, for my sister Brenda, who will be having rotator-cuff surgery tomorrow. She has walked every step of the way with me on my difficult journey, and I wish I were well enough to be there at the hospital with her tomorrow. So I will ask you for your prayers for her -- she deserves only the best!
And hey, in spite of what our government says, you gals get those mammograms EVERY YEAR, and BEFORE AGE 50. Do those self exams (remember, that's how I found my breast cancer). Don't even get me started on this being the beginning of rationed health care. ARRRGGHHHH!!!! WHAT A DISASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until next time, I will sign off for now. I hope your tomrrow's are happy ones, and I pray that mine will be nausea-free so I can blog more often!
Love to all,
Deb
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Yesterday was my first four-hour chemo treatment. I didn't know what to expect, but it's behind me now, and I have only three more chemo's to go! (Then it's on to radiation treatments.)
I was pretty happy to know that these last four chemo's were not going to make me so sick. However, I could tell as my nurse was hooking me up to the IV that she had something on her mind. She began by telling me that this type of chemo could cause a "reaction." When I asked her what type of reaction, she said she didn't want to put it in my head by telling me what I might experience, but that they had to let me know a reaction could occur. So she just kept telling me that if I "felt funny," to let her know right away, that she would then stop the drip, treat the symptoms, the symptoms would subside, and the chemo could continue. I began to panic a bit: "What symptoms would you treat?" She still didn't want to tell me. Her best answer was that they were very experienced in handling these reactions when they occurred, and that they were equipped there to handle any emergency. Now I was REALLY in a panic; I am a high-anxiety patient as it is (I have probably mentioned that before!). So, tears began. The nurse said my treatment would begin with two drugs to prevent this reaction, one of which was Benedryl, and that the Benedryl would make me groggy and sleepy, which it did. So as soon as the drip started, I drifted off into a light, twilight sleep. FORTUNATELY, I did NOT have this dreaded "reaction" after the first 15 minutes, and the nurse told Larry that if I hadn't had a reaction by then, that I wouldn't have one at all. WHEW! Long story short, I slept through pretty much all of the four-hour treatment, and through most of the rest of yesterday. Apparently, had I had this "reaction," it would have been a respiratory thing -- hard to breathe, a full feeling in my ears, etc. I wish she'd just told me that from the beginning; it may have eased my stress.
They keep insisting that these last four treatments won't make me nauseous. My nausea usually starts two days after my Tuesday treatment, so while I feel pretty good today in the nausea department, I am reserving judgment for a couple of days, to see if I get sick. I hope they're right about the nausea being over with for me. With this phase of the chemo, my bones will ache (even more), but I would rather have that than the awful and long-lasting nausea.
I still feel so blessed. When I get discouraged, I have to remind myself of how far I've come. Remember when I couldn't wait to get those awful drains removed? Remember when I was incapacitated and hospitalized for a week with that threatening blood clot in my lung? Or when I had not yet even started chemo? Gosh, now my drains are LONG GONE, my blood clot is resolving, and I am more than half way through my chemo treatments. My reconstruction continues with regular fills to my tissue expander (ouch!). And while I have a LONG way to go yet, I have come a long way, too.
Thank you to EVERYONE who has cared about me and my progress. For reading my blogs, and asking about me. I am still not up to answering indivdual emails. I am SO EXHAUSTED all the time -- just wiped out. But I promise to do so just as soon as I am able. For now, it seems all I can do to make it to almost-daily doctor appointments of one type or another, and to blog every few days. And I kid you not, THIS IS HARD. But again, I praise and thank all of you who support me in every single way. As I said, from those who ask about me regularly, to those who keep up with my blogs, to those who email me and are patient with me in knowing that I can't answer all of you right now, to those of you who send cards and prayers, I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. Truly I do. I will never be able to properly thank all of you. Please know that YOU ARE KEEPING ME GOING!
Prayers please, for my sister Brenda, who will be having rotator-cuff surgery tomorrow. She has walked every step of the way with me on my difficult journey, and I wish I were well enough to be there at the hospital with her tomorrow. So I will ask you for your prayers for her -- she deserves only the best!
And hey, in spite of what our government says, you gals get those mammograms EVERY YEAR, and BEFORE AGE 50. Do those self exams (remember, that's how I found my breast cancer). Don't even get me started on this being the beginning of rationed health care. ARRRGGHHHH!!!! WHAT A DISASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until next time, I will sign off for now. I hope your tomrrow's are happy ones, and I pray that mine will be nausea-free so I can blog more often!
Love to all,
Deb
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Thursday, November 12, 2009
Rough Week!
It was a rough week from this last round of chemo, that's for sure. I have always been nauseous after a chemo treatment, usually from 7-10 days. That has been the usual pattern. However, with each treatment, the nauseousnous was more severe. Today is day 9 from the last treatment, and I am finally beginning to feel a little bit less sick. But boy, it's been a tough week. (Or maybe I am just a big baby.)
On Monday of this week, I awoke with a severe bloody nose. Never had one of those in my life. I don't know where that came from, but it was definitely an issue. So it was back to the Coumadin clinic to see if they could determine the cause. Once again, another adjustment in my meds seems to have alleviated the problem. After that, it was on to the Health Department for the H1N1 vaccine. My poor old left arm, which always gets the living daylights poked out of it, was sore for a couple of days after the vaccine. I don't know if the shot added to the severity of my nauseousness or not, but I was back in bed, where I remain most of the time.
Today I had another fill in my tissue expander. 55 cc's. The last time I had a fill, it was so painful, I cried (yep, I'm a big baby). Well today, I had the nurse numb the area, and the procedure was MUCH more tolerable. From now on, numbing will be the order of the day. And I am glad that the feeling is starting to come back in my chest, even though it's only a little (but enough to feel the syringe filling my expander!).
So yep, it's been a rough week, especially since it was so hard to get out of bed to go to all the doctor appointments.
And ... chemo number 5 on Tuesday again already. These next, and final, four treatments will last four hours instead of the two hours I've been having. Sigh.
How eager I am to get back to feeling well! I see so many things around here I want to tackle. Mostly, I'd like to get rid of so many things around here, reduce some clutter, and prepare this house to sell, hopefully to go on the market in the spring. My main goal is to get back to Rochester where I belong. It is very hard being so far out here in the country, so far from my doctors and the hospital -- about 30 miles one way. That's a long ride. And even longer when you don't feel well.
My son Mark is coming home from CMU this evening. How nice it will be to have him home for the weekend. He hasn't been home since the fall semester started. It is always so nice to have him around. And of course, he'll be home next weekend too, for Thanksgiving.
Ahhh ... Thanksgiving. I have cooked Thanksgiving dinner every year since my beloved mom died in 1982. The last couple of years though, with how our family has grown, there just isn't room in our house for everyone to sit comfortably and eat together. And this year, it will be even harder for me to prepare the feast. So, as we've done for the last 2 years, we will be going out to a Thanksgiving buffet. Much easier for the whole family to sit at the same table, and no prep or cleanup for me!
Then comes Christmas. Usually, I am quite the Scrooge. But this year, my eyes have been opened to a whole new attitude. I am thankful to be here for another Christmas. So thankful, and blessed.
Larry's hanging in there. He humbly thanks everyone who remembered his service on Veteran's Day. As a Vietnam vet who saw heavy combat and doesn't like to think or talk about that experience at all, he is still graciously appreciative of those who took the time to remember his service in helping to keep us free, and thank him for it. Larry is quite a man. I am blessed by his love and care. I know my needs and my condition are not easy on him. After all, he went from having me as his companion, who did so many things with him -- traveling, motorcycling, dining out, and just enjoying the companionship of being together all the time (wherever you saw one of us, you saw the other) -- to him being my constant and exclusive caregiver, as well as houskeeper, laundry man, and cook. That is not an easy transition. Yet, he's handled it with grace and patience. Sometimes I don't know how he does it, along with all the other chores and duties that come with running a household (grocery shopping, lawn care, handy man, car maintenance, bill paying, etc.). Add to that his management of all the health insurance administrative concerns, the management and arrangement of my MANY doctor appointments (as well as taking me to each and every one of them), it's just a huge undertaking, and has to be a huge burden. I have learned so much more about love now, and have seen firsthand the true meaning behind the words of our wedding vows. No one has to tell me Larry's crown will be filled with stars.
I want to thank all my followers on here, all those who have joined my blog site and read them all, and leave comments. Again, I have heard from people who seem to have trouble leaving comments here on the blog. As far as I know, you have to look at the left side where all my specific blogs are listed by date. Click on one specifically, and scroll to the bottom, where there's an empty field labeled: "Post Comment." I think that's all you have to do to leave a comment, but I've heard that doesn't always work. Sigh. Anyway, thank you all for reading my blogs and keeping up with my progress. The progress is slow, for sure. But I have trust in my many doctors and faith in the Lord. With a team like that, I know I'm in the best hands!
Love and thanks to all,
Deb 3333333333
On Monday of this week, I awoke with a severe bloody nose. Never had one of those in my life. I don't know where that came from, but it was definitely an issue. So it was back to the Coumadin clinic to see if they could determine the cause. Once again, another adjustment in my meds seems to have alleviated the problem. After that, it was on to the Health Department for the H1N1 vaccine. My poor old left arm, which always gets the living daylights poked out of it, was sore for a couple of days after the vaccine. I don't know if the shot added to the severity of my nauseousness or not, but I was back in bed, where I remain most of the time.
Today I had another fill in my tissue expander. 55 cc's. The last time I had a fill, it was so painful, I cried (yep, I'm a big baby). Well today, I had the nurse numb the area, and the procedure was MUCH more tolerable. From now on, numbing will be the order of the day. And I am glad that the feeling is starting to come back in my chest, even though it's only a little (but enough to feel the syringe filling my expander!).
So yep, it's been a rough week, especially since it was so hard to get out of bed to go to all the doctor appointments.
And ... chemo number 5 on Tuesday again already. These next, and final, four treatments will last four hours instead of the two hours I've been having. Sigh.
How eager I am to get back to feeling well! I see so many things around here I want to tackle. Mostly, I'd like to get rid of so many things around here, reduce some clutter, and prepare this house to sell, hopefully to go on the market in the spring. My main goal is to get back to Rochester where I belong. It is very hard being so far out here in the country, so far from my doctors and the hospital -- about 30 miles one way. That's a long ride. And even longer when you don't feel well.
My son Mark is coming home from CMU this evening. How nice it will be to have him home for the weekend. He hasn't been home since the fall semester started. It is always so nice to have him around. And of course, he'll be home next weekend too, for Thanksgiving.
Ahhh ... Thanksgiving. I have cooked Thanksgiving dinner every year since my beloved mom died in 1982. The last couple of years though, with how our family has grown, there just isn't room in our house for everyone to sit comfortably and eat together. And this year, it will be even harder for me to prepare the feast. So, as we've done for the last 2 years, we will be going out to a Thanksgiving buffet. Much easier for the whole family to sit at the same table, and no prep or cleanup for me!
Then comes Christmas. Usually, I am quite the Scrooge. But this year, my eyes have been opened to a whole new attitude. I am thankful to be here for another Christmas. So thankful, and blessed.
Larry's hanging in there. He humbly thanks everyone who remembered his service on Veteran's Day. As a Vietnam vet who saw heavy combat and doesn't like to think or talk about that experience at all, he is still graciously appreciative of those who took the time to remember his service in helping to keep us free, and thank him for it. Larry is quite a man. I am blessed by his love and care. I know my needs and my condition are not easy on him. After all, he went from having me as his companion, who did so many things with him -- traveling, motorcycling, dining out, and just enjoying the companionship of being together all the time (wherever you saw one of us, you saw the other) -- to him being my constant and exclusive caregiver, as well as houskeeper, laundry man, and cook. That is not an easy transition. Yet, he's handled it with grace and patience. Sometimes I don't know how he does it, along with all the other chores and duties that come with running a household (grocery shopping, lawn care, handy man, car maintenance, bill paying, etc.). Add to that his management of all the health insurance administrative concerns, the management and arrangement of my MANY doctor appointments (as well as taking me to each and every one of them), it's just a huge undertaking, and has to be a huge burden. I have learned so much more about love now, and have seen firsthand the true meaning behind the words of our wedding vows. No one has to tell me Larry's crown will be filled with stars.
I want to thank all my followers on here, all those who have joined my blog site and read them all, and leave comments. Again, I have heard from people who seem to have trouble leaving comments here on the blog. As far as I know, you have to look at the left side where all my specific blogs are listed by date. Click on one specifically, and scroll to the bottom, where there's an empty field labeled: "Post Comment." I think that's all you have to do to leave a comment, but I've heard that doesn't always work. Sigh. Anyway, thank you all for reading my blogs and keeping up with my progress. The progress is slow, for sure. But I have trust in my many doctors and faith in the Lord. With a team like that, I know I'm in the best hands!
Love and thanks to all,
Deb 3333333333
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
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