Christmas is almost here!

Hello everyone,

I hope you are all enjoying your families this Christmas season, and that you are all ready for the big day! Here at our house, we are eager for Christmas morning to arrive, when all our kids and grandkids will be here to celebrate. And as for me, I have a deepened appreciation for this blessed holiday, and I am so thankful that I get to be alive this year to celebrate.

All of our shopping is done and all the presents are wrapped and under the tree, waiting. My son Mark and his girlfriend Sarah were kind enough to put up and decorate our tree, a job that is too big for me even when I feel well. Our (artificial) tree is very large and usually takes a couple of days to decorate. I so deeply appreciate Mark and Sarah taking on this daunting job. And a beautiful job they did, too!

I have tried to do some baking and candy-making this season, but I tire so easily, that's been a challenge. I want to do it though, because it makes me feel somewhat "normal" to do some of the things I used to do. So far I have made, chocolate-covered peanuts, chocolate-covered cashews, chocolate toffee crunch, a few dozen cookies, and a holiday mix of white-chocolate-covered snacks which always goes over SO WELL. I'd like to make some more cookies, but I am running out of steam. I have had to do all these things (including wrapping all these presents) on days I know I will feel somewhat okay, so there's been a lot of planning involved. Larry and I are unable this year to just jump in the car and go and do as we did in previous years; our adventures have to be carefully planned around days we think I might feel up to it, and even on those days, I wear out so easily.

Now to chemo. I have one more treatment to go -- YAY!!! However, the side effects of the chemo have been so hard on me that they are thinking of foregoing my last treatment, so I may not get the last one at all. The main concern is the neuropathy (numbness) that has developed in my fingers, toes and lips. I don't mind it so much in my toes and lips, but in my hands, ugh, it's been hard having no feeling in my fingers. They have given me meds to counteract this effect, but they aren't working. For my last chemo, the 7th, they reduced by 20% the Taxol drug, in the hope that the neuropathy would not get worse. They said that if it DOES get worse over these next two weeks before my next scheduled chemo, they may not give me that last treatment at all. Of course, this scares me; I want to do all I can and be as aggressive with my treatments as possible to keep my prognosis good, and my chances of the cancer returning, less. I might rather live with permanent neuropathy than the alternative. Gulp. We'll see -- I do trust my doctors and am confident they are doing the best they can for me. I HAVE to trust them.

If I do have that last treatment, it is scheduled for Dec 29. After that, I get a break for about a month, then it's on to radiation therapy. I am told that will be anywhere from 6 to 10 weeks, five days a week. I have regretted moving out here to the country ever since we did so in 2005. I regret it even more now. The frequent drives to all my doctors (which are all back in the immediate area of where we USED to live) get old when we are driving it from way out here. All these doctors I go to, as well as the hospital, are within about five minutes of our old house. Now, they are all at least a half-hour drive, about 30 miles one way. What were we thinking???? "Farm livin' aint the life for me!" We are hoping that I will feel well enough by spring time to put this house up on the market and get ourselves back to our beloved Rochester where we belong, and where everything is so convenient and familiar.

I have sure been getting a lot of rest, that is for SURE. All I do is lie around like a slug. But I am most often so wiped out, or in pain, or both, that all I CAN do is lie around. I will be glad to be back on my feet again one day, and I hope that I still have your prayers for doing so. All your prayers have helped me more than I can say, and I am so blessed by them. I appreciate all of you so much, think of all of you all the time, and am so humbled by your interest in me. Thank you a thousand times.

Merry, Merry Christmas to all of you and to your families too. May God's blessings touch you as they have touched me.

Love to all,
Deb 33333333333