We Hope All Had a Wonderful CHRISTmas!

Hello my family and friends,

Well, CHRISTmas is over now for another year. We hope it was wonderful and wonderous for all of you. For us here, it most certainly was. Larry and I both look at CHRISTmas through new and more humble eyes, and are so much more appreciative of life, and of each other. I feel so blessed to have been here to celebrate one more CHRISTmas on this earth, with my beloved family and friends.

Today was my FINAL chemo treatment -- YAY!! It has been hard on me physically as well as emotionally. Nothing could have prepared me for what was to come when I began chemo 16 long weeks ago. There were side effects that I did and did not mention here on my blog, because I wanted to stay positive and keep a positive outlook. But believe me, it was difficult. Because my cancer was NOT considered to have been detected early, because it was so advanced and aggressive, my treatments were harder and stronger, and the side effects have been brutal. The neuropathy in my hands, feet, lips and tongue has worsened, and they had considered not giving me this final eighth treatment for fear the neuropathy would be permanant. Then yesterday, my oncologist decided that the benefits outweighed the risks in taking that last treatment. After all, I would rather increase my chances of survival and have numb hands, than decrease my chances of survival. In the meantime, I have been prescribed drugs to help with the neuropathy, and it's been recommended I supplement those with large doses of B Complex vitamins to help with the healing of the nerve endings in my extremities. I am praying it works.

Other side effects have, for me, caused bulging, discolored fingernails; shriveled fingertips; significant weight gain; bloating; swelling; digestive/gastrointestinal issues with some bleeding; heartburn; unimagineable daily bone pain; insurmountable exhaustion; and frequent bloody noses. Add to that the continuing expansion of my tissue expander, which has by this point, become so tight and nearly unbearably uncomfortable (it's like an immovable rock sitting inside my chest wall), throw in the nausea, and DANG, this chemo stuff has whipped my ever-lovin' TAIL!

So, the best part of today is that chemo is OVER FOR ME! I know I will still have at least two weeks ahead now during which I will feel so crummy. Sometimes the fatigue is so bad that I am too exhausted LITERALLY to uncross my ankles. Truly, chemo does make you feel exhaustion that is immeasurable and hard to explain. Those of you who've had the unfortunate experience of having gone through it can understand. The staff at the chemo clinic was so good to me today (they always are), as they saw me off by having all the nurses gather around me to blow bubbles, applaud, hand me a "graduation" certificate, pin a lovely angel on my shirt (to watch over me during radiation treatments), and to give me the angel ornament that hung on my IV pole for all these chemo treatments.

Of course, I have no hair, no breast -- and as my son Mark reminds me, "and no cancer, mom!" -- so despite the difficulties chemo brings, I am very, very, VERY blessed. For me, it was very nearly too late, especially when a pulmonary embolism decided to make an appearance to add to my maladies. Ahh, but now that chemo is over with, my hair should start growing back soon. Maybe by summer, I will have enough hair to retire my wig. I still do have eyelashes and eyebrows, though very, VERY sparse. This morning, I had to laugh. I was filling in my scant eyebrows with pencil, and used my old, vintage eyebrow brush to blend the pencil color into the single row of eyebrow hairs that remain. That brush is sooooo old that most of its bristles are missing. Suddenly I laughed. Finally the brush was perfectly suited to my eyebrows!

My prognosis remains pretty good, yet I am still very scared. My doctors and nurses each and every one, as well as my breast-cancer-survivor sisters, have all told me that my fear is a normal part of this process, and that it is understandable. The advice my oncologist gave me yesterday was, "Don't worry in advance." He reminded me to take each day one at a time and consider each a gift, to thank God at the end of the day for making it through that day, and pray that He will give me another day tomorrow. And really, that's all any of us can do, right? One thing I am most grateful for is my strong faith. Without it, I would not be here. I know I wouldn't.

So what's next? Well, I get about a month off. Then, radiation begins. We have a consultation with the radiation oncologist next week, at which time we will have a more defined schedule. But my oncologist tells me that radiation will last anywhere from 6 to 10 weeks, 5 days a week. After radiation ends, I will have another 2 or 3 months off from treatments, then reconstructive surgery will continue. Long process, but the payoff for a few more years on this earth with my beloved family and friends is WORTH IT.

This CHRISTmas for us was extra sweet, extra special, full of laughter and love. Our entire family was here at our house ("grandma and grandpa's house"). All of our kids and their significant others, all our grandchildren, and Larry's mother were all in attendance. We opened presents with vigor and frenzy, and the house was filled with joy. And I stood off in the corner and just soaked in all the love and positive energy, wishing I could bottle it and open it each time I get down. I took photo after photo in the hope of preserving the moment, never forgetting how special it was. Larry and I have four grandchildren; his son has a son (Cameron, nearly 2 years old) and his daughter has two daughters (Brooke, almost 6, and Paige, 4). And I have my son's son, Duke (18 months). For Christmas, we had asked our kids to get all the four grandkids together for a photo. Duke is "at that age" at which whenever he sees a camera, he FREAKS OUT. This Chirstmas portrait, which our kids blessed us with this year, was no exception. Duke is M-A-D about the situation and it shows in the portrait. We got such a kick out of this photo, that I decided to post it here. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do. It is precious.

I could not have gotten this far in my rigerous cancer treatments and surgeries without the love and support of each and every one of you. Thank you forever. FOREVER. I will continue to keep my blog updated and continue to thank all of you for caring enough to read it. Larry is also appreciative of all the love and support we've received throughout this journey. Special thanks to my sister Bren, for also being there for me, going the extra mile, and taking me to a couple of those four-hour treatments, sitting there with me patiently, drip by drip. Larry and I both thank you and love you, Bren, for being there for both of us.

Happiest of New Years to all of you. We wish you love, happiness, and most of all, GOOD HEALTH.

Love to all,
Deb 333333333

PS: I noticed an option on here to "turn my blogs into a book." As I mentioned at the beginning of my journey, my motivaton for creating this blog was two-fold. One was to reach as many people as possible who cared about me, about my family, and about my progress. I will ever be humbled by the number of people who extended their thoughts and prayers to us. Secondly, I wanted my blogs to be a journaling tool for me. Therefore, I think I may look into this site's option of creating a hardcover book of my blogs. If any of you would like to add comments, I would love to have them as part of this book, as a forever-reminder of how much all of you mean to me, and of how blessed my life has been BECAUSE YOU CARED.

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