Hello my family and friends,
Well, CHRISTmas is over now for another year. We hope it was wonderful and wonderous for all of you. For us here, it most certainly was. Larry and I both look at CHRISTmas through new and more humble eyes, and are so much more appreciative of life, and of each other. I feel so blessed to have been here to celebrate one more CHRISTmas on this earth, with my beloved family and friends.
Today was my FINAL chemo treatment -- YAY!! It has been hard on me physically as well as emotionally. Nothing could have prepared me for what was to come when I began chemo 16 long weeks ago. There were side effects that I did and did not mention here on my blog, because I wanted to stay positive and keep a positive outlook. But believe me, it was difficult. Because my cancer was NOT considered to have been detected early, because it was so advanced and aggressive, my treatments were harder and stronger, and the side effects have been brutal. The neuropathy in my hands, feet, lips and tongue has worsened, and they had considered not giving me this final eighth treatment for fear the neuropathy would be permanant. Then yesterday, my oncologist decided that the benefits outweighed the risks in taking that last treatment. After all, I would rather increase my chances of survival and have numb hands, than decrease my chances of survival. In the meantime, I have been prescribed drugs to help with the neuropathy, and it's been recommended I supplement those with large doses of B Complex vitamins to help with the healing of the nerve endings in my extremities. I am praying it works.
Other side effects have, for me, caused bulging, discolored fingernails; shriveled fingertips; significant weight gain; bloating; swelling; digestive/gastrointestinal issues with some bleeding; heartburn; unimagineable daily bone pain; insurmountable exhaustion; and frequent bloody noses. Add to that the continuing expansion of my tissue expander, which has by this point, become so tight and nearly unbearably uncomfortable (it's like an immovable rock sitting inside my chest wall), throw in the nausea, and DANG, this chemo stuff has whipped my ever-lovin' TAIL!
So, the best part of today is that chemo is OVER FOR ME! I know I will still have at least two weeks ahead now during which I will feel so crummy. Sometimes the fatigue is so bad that I am too exhausted LITERALLY to uncross my ankles. Truly, chemo does make you feel exhaustion that is immeasurable and hard to explain. Those of you who've had the unfortunate experience of having gone through it can understand. The staff at the chemo clinic was so good to me today (they always are), as they saw me off by having all the nurses gather around me to blow bubbles, applaud, hand me a "graduation" certificate, pin a lovely angel on my shirt (to watch over me during radiation treatments), and to give me the angel ornament that hung on my IV pole for all these chemo treatments.
Of course, I have no hair, no breast -- and as my son Mark reminds me, "and no cancer, mom!" -- so despite the difficulties chemo brings, I am very, very, VERY blessed. For me, it was very nearly too late, especially when a pulmonary embolism decided to make an appearance to add to my maladies. Ahh, but now that chemo is over with, my hair should start growing back soon. Maybe by summer, I will have enough hair to retire my wig. I still do have eyelashes and eyebrows, though very, VERY sparse. This morning, I had to laugh. I was filling in my scant eyebrows with pencil, and used my old, vintage eyebrow brush to blend the pencil color into the single row of eyebrow hairs that remain. That brush is sooooo old that most of its bristles are missing. Suddenly I laughed. Finally the brush was perfectly suited to my eyebrows!
My prognosis remains pretty good, yet I am still very scared. My doctors and nurses each and every one, as well as my breast-cancer-survivor sisters, have all told me that my fear is a normal part of this process, and that it is understandable. The advice my oncologist gave me yesterday was, "Don't worry in advance." He reminded me to take each day one at a time and consider each a gift, to thank God at the end of the day for making it through that day, and pray that He will give me another day tomorrow. And really, that's all any of us can do, right? One thing I am most grateful for is my strong faith. Without it, I would not be here. I know I wouldn't.
So what's next? Well, I get about a month off. Then, radiation begins. We have a consultation with the radiation oncologist next week, at which time we will have a more defined schedule. But my oncologist tells me that radiation will last anywhere from 6 to 10 weeks, 5 days a week. After radiation ends, I will have another 2 or 3 months off from treatments, then reconstructive surgery will continue. Long process, but the payoff for a few more years on this earth with my beloved family and friends is WORTH IT.
This CHRISTmas for us was extra sweet, extra special, full of laughter and love. Our entire family was here at our house ("grandma and grandpa's house"). All of our kids and their significant others, all our grandchildren, and Larry's mother were all in attendance. We opened presents with vigor and frenzy, and the house was filled with joy. And I stood off in the corner and just soaked in all the love and positive energy, wishing I could bottle it and open it each time I get down. I took photo after photo in the hope of preserving the moment, never forgetting how special it was. Larry and I have four grandchildren; his son has a son (Cameron, nearly 2 years old) and his daughter has two daughters (Brooke, almost 6, and Paige, 4). And I have my son's son, Duke (18 months). For Christmas, we had asked our kids to get all the four grandkids together for a photo. Duke is "at that age" at which whenever he sees a camera, he FREAKS OUT. This Chirstmas portrait, which our kids blessed us with this year, was no exception. Duke is M-A-D about the situation and it shows in the portrait. We got such a kick out of this photo, that I decided to post it here. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do. It is precious.
I could not have gotten this far in my rigerous cancer treatments and surgeries without the love and support of each and every one of you. Thank you forever. FOREVER. I will continue to keep my blog updated and continue to thank all of you for caring enough to read it. Larry is also appreciative of all the love and support we've received throughout this journey. Special thanks to my sister Bren, for also being there for me, going the extra mile, and taking me to a couple of those four-hour treatments, sitting there with me patiently, drip by drip. Larry and I both thank you and love you, Bren, for being there for both of us.
Happiest of New Years to all of you. We wish you love, happiness, and most of all, GOOD HEALTH.
Love to all,
Deb 333333333
PS: I noticed an option on here to "turn my blogs into a book." As I mentioned at the beginning of my journey, my motivaton for creating this blog was two-fold. One was to reach as many people as possible who cared about me, about my family, and about my progress. I will ever be humbled by the number of people who extended their thoughts and prayers to us. Secondly, I wanted my blogs to be a journaling tool for me. Therefore, I think I may look into this site's option of creating a hardcover book of my blogs. If any of you would like to add comments, I would love to have them as part of this book, as a forever-reminder of how much all of you mean to me, and of how blessed my life has been BECAUSE YOU CARED.
3333333333333
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Christmas is almost here!
Hello everyone,
I hope you are all enjoying your families this Christmas season, and that you are all ready for the big day! Here at our house, we are eager for Christmas morning to arrive, when all our kids and grandkids will be here to celebrate. And as for me, I have a deepened appreciation for this blessed holiday, and I am so thankful that I get to be alive this year to celebrate.
All of our shopping is done and all the presents are wrapped and under the tree, waiting. My son Mark and his girlfriend Sarah were kind enough to put up and decorate our tree, a job that is too big for me even when I feel well. Our (artificial) tree is very large and usually takes a couple of days to decorate. I so deeply appreciate Mark and Sarah taking on this daunting job. And a beautiful job they did, too!
I have tried to do some baking and candy-making this season, but I tire so easily, that's been a challenge. I want to do it though, because it makes me feel somewhat "normal" to do some of the things I used to do. So far I have made, chocolate-covered peanuts, chocolate-covered cashews, chocolate toffee crunch, a few dozen cookies, and a holiday mix of white-chocolate-covered snacks which always goes over SO WELL. I'd like to make some more cookies, but I am running out of steam. I have had to do all these things (including wrapping all these presents) on days I know I will feel somewhat okay, so there's been a lot of planning involved. Larry and I are unable this year to just jump in the car and go and do as we did in previous years; our adventures have to be carefully planned around days we think I might feel up to it, and even on those days, I wear out so easily.
Now to chemo. I have one more treatment to go -- YAY!!! However, the side effects of the chemo have been so hard on me that they are thinking of foregoing my last treatment, so I may not get the last one at all. The main concern is the neuropathy (numbness) that has developed in my fingers, toes and lips. I don't mind it so much in my toes and lips, but in my hands, ugh, it's been hard having no feeling in my fingers. They have given me meds to counteract this effect, but they aren't working. For my last chemo, the 7th, they reduced by 20% the Taxol drug, in the hope that the neuropathy would not get worse. They said that if it DOES get worse over these next two weeks before my next scheduled chemo, they may not give me that last treatment at all. Of course, this scares me; I want to do all I can and be as aggressive with my treatments as possible to keep my prognosis good, and my chances of the cancer returning, less. I might rather live with permanent neuropathy than the alternative. Gulp. We'll see -- I do trust my doctors and am confident they are doing the best they can for me. I HAVE to trust them.
If I do have that last treatment, it is scheduled for Dec 29. After that, I get a break for about a month, then it's on to radiation therapy. I am told that will be anywhere from 6 to 10 weeks, five days a week. I have regretted moving out here to the country ever since we did so in 2005. I regret it even more now. The frequent drives to all my doctors (which are all back in the immediate area of where we USED to live) get old when we are driving it from way out here. All these doctors I go to, as well as the hospital, are within about five minutes of our old house. Now, they are all at least a half-hour drive, about 30 miles one way. What were we thinking???? "Farm livin' aint the life for me!" We are hoping that I will feel well enough by spring time to put this house up on the market and get ourselves back to our beloved Rochester where we belong, and where everything is so convenient and familiar.
I have sure been getting a lot of rest, that is for SURE. All I do is lie around like a slug. But I am most often so wiped out, or in pain, or both, that all I CAN do is lie around. I will be glad to be back on my feet again one day, and I hope that I still have your prayers for doing so. All your prayers have helped me more than I can say, and I am so blessed by them. I appreciate all of you so much, think of all of you all the time, and am so humbled by your interest in me. Thank you a thousand times.
Merry, Merry Christmas to all of you and to your families too. May God's blessings touch you as they have touched me.
Love to all,
Deb 33333333333
I hope you are all enjoying your families this Christmas season, and that you are all ready for the big day! Here at our house, we are eager for Christmas morning to arrive, when all our kids and grandkids will be here to celebrate. And as for me, I have a deepened appreciation for this blessed holiday, and I am so thankful that I get to be alive this year to celebrate.
All of our shopping is done and all the presents are wrapped and under the tree, waiting. My son Mark and his girlfriend Sarah were kind enough to put up and decorate our tree, a job that is too big for me even when I feel well. Our (artificial) tree is very large and usually takes a couple of days to decorate. I so deeply appreciate Mark and Sarah taking on this daunting job. And a beautiful job they did, too!
I have tried to do some baking and candy-making this season, but I tire so easily, that's been a challenge. I want to do it though, because it makes me feel somewhat "normal" to do some of the things I used to do. So far I have made, chocolate-covered peanuts, chocolate-covered cashews, chocolate toffee crunch, a few dozen cookies, and a holiday mix of white-chocolate-covered snacks which always goes over SO WELL. I'd like to make some more cookies, but I am running out of steam. I have had to do all these things (including wrapping all these presents) on days I know I will feel somewhat okay, so there's been a lot of planning involved. Larry and I are unable this year to just jump in the car and go and do as we did in previous years; our adventures have to be carefully planned around days we think I might feel up to it, and even on those days, I wear out so easily.
Now to chemo. I have one more treatment to go -- YAY!!! However, the side effects of the chemo have been so hard on me that they are thinking of foregoing my last treatment, so I may not get the last one at all. The main concern is the neuropathy (numbness) that has developed in my fingers, toes and lips. I don't mind it so much in my toes and lips, but in my hands, ugh, it's been hard having no feeling in my fingers. They have given me meds to counteract this effect, but they aren't working. For my last chemo, the 7th, they reduced by 20% the Taxol drug, in the hope that the neuropathy would not get worse. They said that if it DOES get worse over these next two weeks before my next scheduled chemo, they may not give me that last treatment at all. Of course, this scares me; I want to do all I can and be as aggressive with my treatments as possible to keep my prognosis good, and my chances of the cancer returning, less. I might rather live with permanent neuropathy than the alternative. Gulp. We'll see -- I do trust my doctors and am confident they are doing the best they can for me. I HAVE to trust them.
If I do have that last treatment, it is scheduled for Dec 29. After that, I get a break for about a month, then it's on to radiation therapy. I am told that will be anywhere from 6 to 10 weeks, five days a week. I have regretted moving out here to the country ever since we did so in 2005. I regret it even more now. The frequent drives to all my doctors (which are all back in the immediate area of where we USED to live) get old when we are driving it from way out here. All these doctors I go to, as well as the hospital, are within about five minutes of our old house. Now, they are all at least a half-hour drive, about 30 miles one way. What were we thinking???? "Farm livin' aint the life for me!" We are hoping that I will feel well enough by spring time to put this house up on the market and get ourselves back to our beloved Rochester where we belong, and where everything is so convenient and familiar.
I have sure been getting a lot of rest, that is for SURE. All I do is lie around like a slug. But I am most often so wiped out, or in pain, or both, that all I CAN do is lie around. I will be glad to be back on my feet again one day, and I hope that I still have your prayers for doing so. All your prayers have helped me more than I can say, and I am so blessed by them. I appreciate all of you so much, think of all of you all the time, and am so humbled by your interest in me. Thank you a thousand times.
Merry, Merry Christmas to all of you and to your families too. May God's blessings touch you as they have touched me.
Love to all,
Deb 33333333333
Friday, December 11, 2009
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!
Hello to my dear family and friends!
It's been a long time since I've posted a blog. My apologies for that; I understand many people have been concerned as to where I've been. I am once again blessed that so many are concerned. THANK YOU!
Now to explain. Chemo's been a little rough. No, a LOT rough. The second four-hour round of chemo was worse than the first. The debilitating bone pain has now subsided for the most part (after 9 days), but the neuropathy (numbness) in my fingers has worsened. It is unknown whether the feeling will ever return to my fingers, and that has been worrisome. It is really difficult to have so little feeling in my extremities. I have been complaining to my oncologists about these side effects, and the doctors are deciding whether to weaken my dose of Taxol so it won't be so hard on me, and so that the serious and negative side effects won't be permanent. I have my pre-chemo doctor visit on Monday, the day before my next (7th) chemo treatment. I'm sure they will tell me at that time what the plan is to lessen these difficult side effects.
Up to now, I have been fortunate enough to keep my eyebrows and eyelashes, but now, they are one by one beginning to fall out. Thank goodness for eyeliner and eyebrow pencil!
I had yet another fill to my tissue expander yesterday too. The skin is now stretching so much, it is very taut and tight and very uncomfortable. But again, the object is to stretch the skin as much as possible, so that when I begin radiation, if so doing shrinks my skin, there will still be enough to reconstruct without having to harvest skin from elsewhere. (gulp)
The weather here in Michigan has turned very cold now. Yesterday it was only 16 degrees; today it reached about 20 degrees. We had our first snow earlier this week. The weatherman had predicted that we'd wake to snow, so when I got out of bed, I went to the window. Sure enough, we'd had a little snow, it was c-c-c-cold and very windy. I don't mean to sound sappy, but I have to say, as "nasty" as our weather was, for the first time, I didn't look at it as nasty. No, I literally thanked God that I got to see another season change. I sure look at things differently now.
My husband Larry continues to be such a blessing to me. He has truly been here for me every step of the way, and I know it hasn't been easy for him. If anyone has any ideas on how I can ever show him how much I appreciate his love and caring, please let me know! His compassion and his management of all my doctor appointments and insurance issues, on top of his TLC for me is something no one could ever put a price on. Larry has not been feeling well of late himself and has been battling bronchitis for a couple of weeks.
My sister Brenda took me to the last four-hour chemo treatment, and is planning to take me to the next one this coming Tuesday. This gives Larry a bit of a break, and Bren and I sit and blab the four hours away. It's so nice. I am very thankful to Bren for her constant support too; by the time Bren picks me up, then sits with me through the four-hour treatment, then we go out to lunch, and she drives me back home, it sucks up the better part of her day. I'm sure, especially at this busy time of year, she could use this time for other things. I am so appreciative of her giving up her time for me!
Where the heck is Tiger Woods? (Nancy Grace is tearing him up as I write this.)
Like everyone, we are preparing for CHRISTmas at our house. I am looking forward to it more this year than I ever have! Another blessing! With each year that the term "Merry Christmas" becomes more and more threatened, I have taken JOY in saying it every chance I get. This year, I am especially happy to say it. I feel like George Bailey -- I want to shout it from the rooftops! (I just wish I had his energy!)
Until next time, my sincere prayer is that each and every one of you reading this has a wonderful CHRISTmas and a blessed and HEALTHY New Year. And thank you ALL for all your prayers and messages of support for me as well as for Larry. We are truly grateful for all the support, without which, this journey would be so much more difficult!
Love to all and MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
Debbie 33333
It's been a long time since I've posted a blog. My apologies for that; I understand many people have been concerned as to where I've been. I am once again blessed that so many are concerned. THANK YOU!
Now to explain. Chemo's been a little rough. No, a LOT rough. The second four-hour round of chemo was worse than the first. The debilitating bone pain has now subsided for the most part (after 9 days), but the neuropathy (numbness) in my fingers has worsened. It is unknown whether the feeling will ever return to my fingers, and that has been worrisome. It is really difficult to have so little feeling in my extremities. I have been complaining to my oncologists about these side effects, and the doctors are deciding whether to weaken my dose of Taxol so it won't be so hard on me, and so that the serious and negative side effects won't be permanent. I have my pre-chemo doctor visit on Monday, the day before my next (7th) chemo treatment. I'm sure they will tell me at that time what the plan is to lessen these difficult side effects.
Up to now, I have been fortunate enough to keep my eyebrows and eyelashes, but now, they are one by one beginning to fall out. Thank goodness for eyeliner and eyebrow pencil!
I had yet another fill to my tissue expander yesterday too. The skin is now stretching so much, it is very taut and tight and very uncomfortable. But again, the object is to stretch the skin as much as possible, so that when I begin radiation, if so doing shrinks my skin, there will still be enough to reconstruct without having to harvest skin from elsewhere. (gulp)
The weather here in Michigan has turned very cold now. Yesterday it was only 16 degrees; today it reached about 20 degrees. We had our first snow earlier this week. The weatherman had predicted that we'd wake to snow, so when I got out of bed, I went to the window. Sure enough, we'd had a little snow, it was c-c-c-cold and very windy. I don't mean to sound sappy, but I have to say, as "nasty" as our weather was, for the first time, I didn't look at it as nasty. No, I literally thanked God that I got to see another season change. I sure look at things differently now.
My husband Larry continues to be such a blessing to me. He has truly been here for me every step of the way, and I know it hasn't been easy for him. If anyone has any ideas on how I can ever show him how much I appreciate his love and caring, please let me know! His compassion and his management of all my doctor appointments and insurance issues, on top of his TLC for me is something no one could ever put a price on. Larry has not been feeling well of late himself and has been battling bronchitis for a couple of weeks.
My sister Brenda took me to the last four-hour chemo treatment, and is planning to take me to the next one this coming Tuesday. This gives Larry a bit of a break, and Bren and I sit and blab the four hours away. It's so nice. I am very thankful to Bren for her constant support too; by the time Bren picks me up, then sits with me through the four-hour treatment, then we go out to lunch, and she drives me back home, it sucks up the better part of her day. I'm sure, especially at this busy time of year, she could use this time for other things. I am so appreciative of her giving up her time for me!
Where the heck is Tiger Woods? (Nancy Grace is tearing him up as I write this.)
Like everyone, we are preparing for CHRISTmas at our house. I am looking forward to it more this year than I ever have! Another blessing! With each year that the term "Merry Christmas" becomes more and more threatened, I have taken JOY in saying it every chance I get. This year, I am especially happy to say it. I feel like George Bailey -- I want to shout it from the rooftops! (I just wish I had his energy!)
Until next time, my sincere prayer is that each and every one of you reading this has a wonderful CHRISTmas and a blessed and HEALTHY New Year. And thank you ALL for all your prayers and messages of support for me as well as for Larry. We are truly grateful for all the support, without which, this journey would be so much more difficult!
Love to all and MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
Debbie 33333
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)