Man oh man, chemo is rough

Hi again, sorry it's been so long since I've blogged. I'm afraid chemo is getting the better of me. I have now had three treatments of a total eight. The good news though, is that I'm told that the last four won't make me nauseous. Thank GOD. I don't know if I just have a low tolerance for the chemo, or if I'm getting an extra-strong dosage or what, but it is very hard on me. I am being extra brave by posting on here a recent photo of myself. Quite a change in appearance from the me you are all used to seeing. But I promised myself to be honest on here, and this photo is honest, to be sure. Ugh.

I get chemo every other week. On off weeks, I get reconstructive fills, which I had today. Another 50 cc's went into my tissue expander. I hate to admit it, but for the first time during a fill, I cried. It was quite painful. But again, the good news is that I guess that means some of the feeling in my chest is beginning to come back. Pretty embarrassing to cry. But maybe if I'd felt better from the chemo, I would have been stronger emotionally. I have come to realize that chemo makes me sick for anywhere from a week to 10 days after the treatment. Today was the seventh day since my last treatment, and I was still pretty down for the count.

I have so many blessings that I can't count them all. I sure had no reason to cry. Once again, I remind myself that I CAN be reconstructed, that the cancer CAN be treated successfully and that it IS survivable. Further, I have people praying for me from Missouri to Florida, from Tennessee to Arkansas, from Michigan's Upper Penninsula to right here in the Lower. Thank you to all of you for your cards, prayers and your constant support. I swear from my heart, I will thank each one of you individually just as soon as I am able. And hopefully, I will be well enough to travel and do so IN PERSON. You all mean the whole world to me. Thank you so, so much,

Larry and my sons, Mark and David, continue to bless me as well. I don't know what I would do without such a support team. They are the best. My sisters Brenda and Dee, also the best. Another blessing is that my breast cancer was not genetically driven, but rather, environmentally. Therefore, there is less chance of my beloved sisters getting this dreaded disease passed to them via some bum genetic link. Praise the Lord!

My niece, Melissa, so dear to me, is having a baby shower this weekend for her very first child! My sister Brenda will be a grandma for the first time! I am so happy for all of them. The shower will be the first event I have attended since before my mastectomy, since before my hair loss. So I am a little nervous. I have a lovely wig, but ... it is still a wig. I have also been fitted with a prosthesis to have until my reconstruction is completed sometime about a year from now. I am nervous about wearing both to the shower. But seeing my beautiful niece in the glow of her pregnancy enjoy her baby shower is something I wouldn't miss for all the world. Another blessing for which to be thankful!

Way back at the beginnings of my blogs, I believe I said I wanted to use the blogs as kind of a personal journal to chronicle my journey. Looks like I've done so again tonight. Thank you all for letting me share my thoughts, my fears, the challenges of this ordeal, and for the forum to TRY feebly to offer my humble but heartfelt thanks to so many.

I am not feeling well, as I mentioned, so I will close for now. Hopefully it won't be so long before the next blog.

Love and God's blessings,
Deb 3333333

PS: Many of you who know me are familiar with my "3s" as a signal or a sign off. But for those of you who may not be, I will explain. The 3 is a shorthand symbol representing the words, "I love you." It's a tradition I began with my boys when they were little. When in church or some other place where it was equally important to be quiet, we would squeeze each other's hands three times to convey our love. Eventually, the "3" symbol evolved into waving goodbye by waving with three fingers, or signing a note or an email with 3s. I even used to sneak a three-finger signal to my boys when on stage, kind of like the Carol Burnett ear-tug gesture. (Al, did you know I was doing that? ~smile~) And now you know "the rest of the story." All that said, 33333333333!!!!!!!!