Still no idea from whom the anonymous gift came

Hi everybody,

Well, I still have no idea from whom this lovely angel figurine came, but I am enjoying her presence as she watches over me in my living room. She is gorgeous. Thank you to ?????

Another tough day today, but not as bad as the previous few days. I have figured out, after having had only two chemo's thus far, that I am sick for about 6 days afterward. Chemo's are Tuesdays, I feel okay Wednesdays, but then from Thursday through to the following Tuesday, I am in bed sick. Today being Tuesday, I finally started feeling better, but I'm still so very tired. I also had another appointment with the plastic surgeon today for another painful fill. Another 50 cc's went into my tissue expander. So, slowly but surely, the reconstructive process continues. It is so difficult to see other women in the plastic surgeon's waiting room in the various stages of this horrible situation. Today I saw a beautiful woman come in who was obviously much newer to this process than I, as she was still moving about very weakly, still had her drainage tubes in. I remembered thinking back on when I was new to this, as she now is. And I remember looking around the waiting room back then at the other women who were obviously much further along than I in the process, and wishing I too were further along. Well, here I am a couple of months into this, yet, I still feel like a "newbee." I still feel like I have such a long road ahead, BECAUSE I DO. Yet, seeing that lady today also reminded me of how far I've come, too. I am so blessed. But it seems that just when I start to feel a little better from the chemo, it's time for a fill, and I'm in pain from that. Sigh.

I surely do wonder why there is seemingly such an increase in breast cancer! It seems it's everywhere. I was told that one in eight woman will be diagnosed, and if they are menopausal as I am, the numbers go to one in FIVE! Staggering. What are we doing to ourselves that is causing this??

I have ventured out a little bit, twice now, wearing my wig. I feel pretty self conscious, as if everyone is staring at me. The nurse at the plastic surgeon's office today complimented me on the wig though. After telling her I was wearing it, she said she didn't realize it was a wig at all. (Was she just being kind?) Donning a wig is definitely a peculiar feeling and makes me very self conscious. I still have eyebrows and lashes though, so that makes it a little easier on me. My lashes are thinning a bit now, so I think it's just a matter of time.

Still battling the clot in my lung, too. Some of my doctors say it has dissolved, other say it is still there and will take awhile to dissolve. I believe it is still there, because I feel a fluttering in that right lung when I inhale deeply. So while taking blood thinners is a hassle, I am praying they are doing their job with this added malady.

Larry is still my angel, stil waits on me, still takes such good care of me. He'll have so many stars in his crown, it will be heavy to wear, but the Lord will make sure he can hold his head high for all he's done for me in this journey. I don't know HOW people take this journey without support.

This experience surely has changed me in so many ways. I now find I am so much more sensitive to so many things. Ads for saving homeless, abused animals have always been upsetting to me, but now they make me break down and bawl. Any kind of program with any violence of any kind scares me. Political shows make me question our country's future, and THAT scares me. Dramas upset me because their writers are thinking up problems to build a show around, when there are so many real-life people with real-life problems to deal with, so why MAKE UP problems? And did you ever notice that darn-near EVERY commercial either deals with hair (of which I have none) or medicines/medical issues (of which I have plenty)? Home shopping channels are okay, but I find I spend money there, so I've had to cut back on my viewing of HSN and QVC. So I am once again down to "Andy" and "I Love Lucy." No harm there, for sure.

I continue to get cards so often, and I want you to know that truly, I SAVE EACH AND EVERY ONE, I READ THEM OVER AND OVER, and they HELP ME GET THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES. I mean this from my heart. THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU. And now, whenever I send a card to someone, I take a moment to think of how much it might mean to someone who's struggling. I am so blessed to have so many who care. Thank you all so much. I am so humbled by your caring and your prayers.

Well, off to bed now. Because of today's fill, I have had to take a pain pill, and those make me sleepy. My love, gratitude and thanks to all of you who follow my posts on here, for caring enough about me to do so, and for being there for me, always.

Love, Deb