... And here I thought that even though these last four chemo treatments were twice as long, I thought they'd be more tolerable since I was told there'd be no nausea with these, but rather, "some bone pain." Well, they know whereof they speak. Beginning Wedesday night, my back began to hurt, then my legs, then my hips, my arms ... every bone in my body throbbed and ached so bad that I just couldn't get any relief. Even Vicodin didn't touch it. Now it's Sunday, and while the bone pain has finally subsided to a more tolerable level, it's still there, and I still feel pretty blah. I still don't feel like doing anything except lying down all the time. I sure hate to complain, but as I've said before, this chemo business is ROUGH STUFF. And I can't help but wonder if this is the degree of pain and discomfort that bone cancer patients suffer ...
I don't sleep well either; sleep is rare. And when I do sleep, it is a very light sleep, and if I'm wakened, that's it, I'm up. Ugh.
This phase of the chemo can also cause neuropathy, a numbness and tingling in the fingertips, which could be permanent. Of course, I have that now.
I wonder if radiation will be as miserable as chemo ...
Anyway, three more chemo's to go. I am heading toward the finish line, and my veins seem to be holding up. Thank God.
At the beginning of my journey, one of my dear supporters warned me that "breast cancer is not for sissies." She was so right. And I'm starting to think that's exactly what I am -- a big ol' sissy.
Thank you everyone, for continuing to follow my blog, and for continuing to pray.
Love, Deb 3333333333
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Got through the first four-hour chemo!
Hello to all of you, and thank you for reading my blogs.
Yesterday was my first four-hour chemo treatment. I didn't know what to expect, but it's behind me now, and I have only three more chemo's to go! (Then it's on to radiation treatments.)
I was pretty happy to know that these last four chemo's were not going to make me so sick. However, I could tell as my nurse was hooking me up to the IV that she had something on her mind. She began by telling me that this type of chemo could cause a "reaction." When I asked her what type of reaction, she said she didn't want to put it in my head by telling me what I might experience, but that they had to let me know a reaction could occur. So she just kept telling me that if I "felt funny," to let her know right away, that she would then stop the drip, treat the symptoms, the symptoms would subside, and the chemo could continue. I began to panic a bit: "What symptoms would you treat?" She still didn't want to tell me. Her best answer was that they were very experienced in handling these reactions when they occurred, and that they were equipped there to handle any emergency. Now I was REALLY in a panic; I am a high-anxiety patient as it is (I have probably mentioned that before!). So, tears began. The nurse said my treatment would begin with two drugs to prevent this reaction, one of which was Benedryl, and that the Benedryl would make me groggy and sleepy, which it did. So as soon as the drip started, I drifted off into a light, twilight sleep. FORTUNATELY, I did NOT have this dreaded "reaction" after the first 15 minutes, and the nurse told Larry that if I hadn't had a reaction by then, that I wouldn't have one at all. WHEW! Long story short, I slept through pretty much all of the four-hour treatment, and through most of the rest of yesterday. Apparently, had I had this "reaction," it would have been a respiratory thing -- hard to breathe, a full feeling in my ears, etc. I wish she'd just told me that from the beginning; it may have eased my stress.
They keep insisting that these last four treatments won't make me nauseous. My nausea usually starts two days after my Tuesday treatment, so while I feel pretty good today in the nausea department, I am reserving judgment for a couple of days, to see if I get sick. I hope they're right about the nausea being over with for me. With this phase of the chemo, my bones will ache (even more), but I would rather have that than the awful and long-lasting nausea.
I still feel so blessed. When I get discouraged, I have to remind myself of how far I've come. Remember when I couldn't wait to get those awful drains removed? Remember when I was incapacitated and hospitalized for a week with that threatening blood clot in my lung? Or when I had not yet even started chemo? Gosh, now my drains are LONG GONE, my blood clot is resolving, and I am more than half way through my chemo treatments. My reconstruction continues with regular fills to my tissue expander (ouch!). And while I have a LONG way to go yet, I have come a long way, too.
Thank you to EVERYONE who has cared about me and my progress. For reading my blogs, and asking about me. I am still not up to answering indivdual emails. I am SO EXHAUSTED all the time -- just wiped out. But I promise to do so just as soon as I am able. For now, it seems all I can do to make it to almost-daily doctor appointments of one type or another, and to blog every few days. And I kid you not, THIS IS HARD. But again, I praise and thank all of you who support me in every single way. As I said, from those who ask about me regularly, to those who keep up with my blogs, to those who email me and are patient with me in knowing that I can't answer all of you right now, to those of you who send cards and prayers, I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. Truly I do. I will never be able to properly thank all of you. Please know that YOU ARE KEEPING ME GOING!
Prayers please, for my sister Brenda, who will be having rotator-cuff surgery tomorrow. She has walked every step of the way with me on my difficult journey, and I wish I were well enough to be there at the hospital with her tomorrow. So I will ask you for your prayers for her -- she deserves only the best!
And hey, in spite of what our government says, you gals get those mammograms EVERY YEAR, and BEFORE AGE 50. Do those self exams (remember, that's how I found my breast cancer). Don't even get me started on this being the beginning of rationed health care. ARRRGGHHHH!!!! WHAT A DISASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until next time, I will sign off for now. I hope your tomrrow's are happy ones, and I pray that mine will be nausea-free so I can blog more often!
Love to all,
Deb
3333333333
Yesterday was my first four-hour chemo treatment. I didn't know what to expect, but it's behind me now, and I have only three more chemo's to go! (Then it's on to radiation treatments.)
I was pretty happy to know that these last four chemo's were not going to make me so sick. However, I could tell as my nurse was hooking me up to the IV that she had something on her mind. She began by telling me that this type of chemo could cause a "reaction." When I asked her what type of reaction, she said she didn't want to put it in my head by telling me what I might experience, but that they had to let me know a reaction could occur. So she just kept telling me that if I "felt funny," to let her know right away, that she would then stop the drip, treat the symptoms, the symptoms would subside, and the chemo could continue. I began to panic a bit: "What symptoms would you treat?" She still didn't want to tell me. Her best answer was that they were very experienced in handling these reactions when they occurred, and that they were equipped there to handle any emergency. Now I was REALLY in a panic; I am a high-anxiety patient as it is (I have probably mentioned that before!). So, tears began. The nurse said my treatment would begin with two drugs to prevent this reaction, one of which was Benedryl, and that the Benedryl would make me groggy and sleepy, which it did. So as soon as the drip started, I drifted off into a light, twilight sleep. FORTUNATELY, I did NOT have this dreaded "reaction" after the first 15 minutes, and the nurse told Larry that if I hadn't had a reaction by then, that I wouldn't have one at all. WHEW! Long story short, I slept through pretty much all of the four-hour treatment, and through most of the rest of yesterday. Apparently, had I had this "reaction," it would have been a respiratory thing -- hard to breathe, a full feeling in my ears, etc. I wish she'd just told me that from the beginning; it may have eased my stress.
They keep insisting that these last four treatments won't make me nauseous. My nausea usually starts two days after my Tuesday treatment, so while I feel pretty good today in the nausea department, I am reserving judgment for a couple of days, to see if I get sick. I hope they're right about the nausea being over with for me. With this phase of the chemo, my bones will ache (even more), but I would rather have that than the awful and long-lasting nausea.
I still feel so blessed. When I get discouraged, I have to remind myself of how far I've come. Remember when I couldn't wait to get those awful drains removed? Remember when I was incapacitated and hospitalized for a week with that threatening blood clot in my lung? Or when I had not yet even started chemo? Gosh, now my drains are LONG GONE, my blood clot is resolving, and I am more than half way through my chemo treatments. My reconstruction continues with regular fills to my tissue expander (ouch!). And while I have a LONG way to go yet, I have come a long way, too.
Thank you to EVERYONE who has cared about me and my progress. For reading my blogs, and asking about me. I am still not up to answering indivdual emails. I am SO EXHAUSTED all the time -- just wiped out. But I promise to do so just as soon as I am able. For now, it seems all I can do to make it to almost-daily doctor appointments of one type or another, and to blog every few days. And I kid you not, THIS IS HARD. But again, I praise and thank all of you who support me in every single way. As I said, from those who ask about me regularly, to those who keep up with my blogs, to those who email me and are patient with me in knowing that I can't answer all of you right now, to those of you who send cards and prayers, I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. Truly I do. I will never be able to properly thank all of you. Please know that YOU ARE KEEPING ME GOING!
Prayers please, for my sister Brenda, who will be having rotator-cuff surgery tomorrow. She has walked every step of the way with me on my difficult journey, and I wish I were well enough to be there at the hospital with her tomorrow. So I will ask you for your prayers for her -- she deserves only the best!
And hey, in spite of what our government says, you gals get those mammograms EVERY YEAR, and BEFORE AGE 50. Do those self exams (remember, that's how I found my breast cancer). Don't even get me started on this being the beginning of rationed health care. ARRRGGHHHH!!!! WHAT A DISASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until next time, I will sign off for now. I hope your tomrrow's are happy ones, and I pray that mine will be nausea-free so I can blog more often!
Love to all,
Deb
3333333333
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Rough Week!
It was a rough week from this last round of chemo, that's for sure. I have always been nauseous after a chemo treatment, usually from 7-10 days. That has been the usual pattern. However, with each treatment, the nauseousnous was more severe. Today is day 9 from the last treatment, and I am finally beginning to feel a little bit less sick. But boy, it's been a tough week. (Or maybe I am just a big baby.)
On Monday of this week, I awoke with a severe bloody nose. Never had one of those in my life. I don't know where that came from, but it was definitely an issue. So it was back to the Coumadin clinic to see if they could determine the cause. Once again, another adjustment in my meds seems to have alleviated the problem. After that, it was on to the Health Department for the H1N1 vaccine. My poor old left arm, which always gets the living daylights poked out of it, was sore for a couple of days after the vaccine. I don't know if the shot added to the severity of my nauseousness or not, but I was back in bed, where I remain most of the time.
Today I had another fill in my tissue expander. 55 cc's. The last time I had a fill, it was so painful, I cried (yep, I'm a big baby). Well today, I had the nurse numb the area, and the procedure was MUCH more tolerable. From now on, numbing will be the order of the day. And I am glad that the feeling is starting to come back in my chest, even though it's only a little (but enough to feel the syringe filling my expander!).
So yep, it's been a rough week, especially since it was so hard to get out of bed to go to all the doctor appointments.
And ... chemo number 5 on Tuesday again already. These next, and final, four treatments will last four hours instead of the two hours I've been having. Sigh.
How eager I am to get back to feeling well! I see so many things around here I want to tackle. Mostly, I'd like to get rid of so many things around here, reduce some clutter, and prepare this house to sell, hopefully to go on the market in the spring. My main goal is to get back to Rochester where I belong. It is very hard being so far out here in the country, so far from my doctors and the hospital -- about 30 miles one way. That's a long ride. And even longer when you don't feel well.
My son Mark is coming home from CMU this evening. How nice it will be to have him home for the weekend. He hasn't been home since the fall semester started. It is always so nice to have him around. And of course, he'll be home next weekend too, for Thanksgiving.
Ahhh ... Thanksgiving. I have cooked Thanksgiving dinner every year since my beloved mom died in 1982. The last couple of years though, with how our family has grown, there just isn't room in our house for everyone to sit comfortably and eat together. And this year, it will be even harder for me to prepare the feast. So, as we've done for the last 2 years, we will be going out to a Thanksgiving buffet. Much easier for the whole family to sit at the same table, and no prep or cleanup for me!
Then comes Christmas. Usually, I am quite the Scrooge. But this year, my eyes have been opened to a whole new attitude. I am thankful to be here for another Christmas. So thankful, and blessed.
Larry's hanging in there. He humbly thanks everyone who remembered his service on Veteran's Day. As a Vietnam vet who saw heavy combat and doesn't like to think or talk about that experience at all, he is still graciously appreciative of those who took the time to remember his service in helping to keep us free, and thank him for it. Larry is quite a man. I am blessed by his love and care. I know my needs and my condition are not easy on him. After all, he went from having me as his companion, who did so many things with him -- traveling, motorcycling, dining out, and just enjoying the companionship of being together all the time (wherever you saw one of us, you saw the other) -- to him being my constant and exclusive caregiver, as well as houskeeper, laundry man, and cook. That is not an easy transition. Yet, he's handled it with grace and patience. Sometimes I don't know how he does it, along with all the other chores and duties that come with running a household (grocery shopping, lawn care, handy man, car maintenance, bill paying, etc.). Add to that his management of all the health insurance administrative concerns, the management and arrangement of my MANY doctor appointments (as well as taking me to each and every one of them), it's just a huge undertaking, and has to be a huge burden. I have learned so much more about love now, and have seen firsthand the true meaning behind the words of our wedding vows. No one has to tell me Larry's crown will be filled with stars.
I want to thank all my followers on here, all those who have joined my blog site and read them all, and leave comments. Again, I have heard from people who seem to have trouble leaving comments here on the blog. As far as I know, you have to look at the left side where all my specific blogs are listed by date. Click on one specifically, and scroll to the bottom, where there's an empty field labeled: "Post Comment." I think that's all you have to do to leave a comment, but I've heard that doesn't always work. Sigh. Anyway, thank you all for reading my blogs and keeping up with my progress. The progress is slow, for sure. But I have trust in my many doctors and faith in the Lord. With a team like that, I know I'm in the best hands!
Love and thanks to all,
Deb 3333333333
On Monday of this week, I awoke with a severe bloody nose. Never had one of those in my life. I don't know where that came from, but it was definitely an issue. So it was back to the Coumadin clinic to see if they could determine the cause. Once again, another adjustment in my meds seems to have alleviated the problem. After that, it was on to the Health Department for the H1N1 vaccine. My poor old left arm, which always gets the living daylights poked out of it, was sore for a couple of days after the vaccine. I don't know if the shot added to the severity of my nauseousness or not, but I was back in bed, where I remain most of the time.
Today I had another fill in my tissue expander. 55 cc's. The last time I had a fill, it was so painful, I cried (yep, I'm a big baby). Well today, I had the nurse numb the area, and the procedure was MUCH more tolerable. From now on, numbing will be the order of the day. And I am glad that the feeling is starting to come back in my chest, even though it's only a little (but enough to feel the syringe filling my expander!).
So yep, it's been a rough week, especially since it was so hard to get out of bed to go to all the doctor appointments.
And ... chemo number 5 on Tuesday again already. These next, and final, four treatments will last four hours instead of the two hours I've been having. Sigh.
How eager I am to get back to feeling well! I see so many things around here I want to tackle. Mostly, I'd like to get rid of so many things around here, reduce some clutter, and prepare this house to sell, hopefully to go on the market in the spring. My main goal is to get back to Rochester where I belong. It is very hard being so far out here in the country, so far from my doctors and the hospital -- about 30 miles one way. That's a long ride. And even longer when you don't feel well.
My son Mark is coming home from CMU this evening. How nice it will be to have him home for the weekend. He hasn't been home since the fall semester started. It is always so nice to have him around. And of course, he'll be home next weekend too, for Thanksgiving.
Ahhh ... Thanksgiving. I have cooked Thanksgiving dinner every year since my beloved mom died in 1982. The last couple of years though, with how our family has grown, there just isn't room in our house for everyone to sit comfortably and eat together. And this year, it will be even harder for me to prepare the feast. So, as we've done for the last 2 years, we will be going out to a Thanksgiving buffet. Much easier for the whole family to sit at the same table, and no prep or cleanup for me!
Then comes Christmas. Usually, I am quite the Scrooge. But this year, my eyes have been opened to a whole new attitude. I am thankful to be here for another Christmas. So thankful, and blessed.
Larry's hanging in there. He humbly thanks everyone who remembered his service on Veteran's Day. As a Vietnam vet who saw heavy combat and doesn't like to think or talk about that experience at all, he is still graciously appreciative of those who took the time to remember his service in helping to keep us free, and thank him for it. Larry is quite a man. I am blessed by his love and care. I know my needs and my condition are not easy on him. After all, he went from having me as his companion, who did so many things with him -- traveling, motorcycling, dining out, and just enjoying the companionship of being together all the time (wherever you saw one of us, you saw the other) -- to him being my constant and exclusive caregiver, as well as houskeeper, laundry man, and cook. That is not an easy transition. Yet, he's handled it with grace and patience. Sometimes I don't know how he does it, along with all the other chores and duties that come with running a household (grocery shopping, lawn care, handy man, car maintenance, bill paying, etc.). Add to that his management of all the health insurance administrative concerns, the management and arrangement of my MANY doctor appointments (as well as taking me to each and every one of them), it's just a huge undertaking, and has to be a huge burden. I have learned so much more about love now, and have seen firsthand the true meaning behind the words of our wedding vows. No one has to tell me Larry's crown will be filled with stars.
I want to thank all my followers on here, all those who have joined my blog site and read them all, and leave comments. Again, I have heard from people who seem to have trouble leaving comments here on the blog. As far as I know, you have to look at the left side where all my specific blogs are listed by date. Click on one specifically, and scroll to the bottom, where there's an empty field labeled: "Post Comment." I think that's all you have to do to leave a comment, but I've heard that doesn't always work. Sigh. Anyway, thank you all for reading my blogs and keeping up with my progress. The progress is slow, for sure. But I have trust in my many doctors and faith in the Lord. With a team like that, I know I'm in the best hands!
Love and thanks to all,
Deb 3333333333
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Sigh
Hello once again, everyone,
Well, I'm still plodding through these chemo treatments. I have four of eight behind me now, and they tell me the second four won't make me so sick. But as of now, I am SICK. I am eager for the sickness from this last round of chemo to be past me. The next four will increase in time -- they'll be four hours each instead of two hours, but if I am not nauseated, it's a good tradeoff. I am told though that these next four treatments will make my bones hurt quite badly, to the extent of needing Vicodin. Ugh. Am I ever EAGER for chemo to be a thing of the past for me. Even the thought of the word "chemo" makes me sick to my stomach.
My lovely niece's baby shower came of beautifully last Sunday. For me it was such a nice day, good to be out socially, good to see friends and family for the first time since my diagnosis. My emotions were pretty close to the surface, and it was hard to keep my tears dry each time I saw someone for the first time since my ordeal began, but it was still so nice to be out and about and not have it be to a doctor appointment. I felt pretty well that day; I was 12 days out from my previous chemo treatment, so I was having a pretty good day. But alas, another chemo treatment was at that point, only 2 more days away, and I have been down for the count ever since.
My left hand is soooooo sore from all the IVs that get poked into it with regularity. It's difficult to withstand even the tenderest touch. And my right hand/arm is still trying to recuperate from all the lymph nodes being gone. It's been a new experience trying to get by with limited use of both hands.
I continue to receive such love and support from my family and friends. This has meant more to me than God ever created words to express. Every word I can think of falls short of how thankful I am for the encouragement and love I receive. Thank you all a million times over. I am determined to get through this, but I have to repeat, this is NOT for sissies. I am not sure I will ever in my life feel normal again, but it's a small tradeoff for getting to stay alive.
So thank you everyone for all your love -- it gives me such strength. I read your cards, your comments, and your emails over and over again.
Love to all of you! Until next time,
Deb 33333333
Well, I'm still plodding through these chemo treatments. I have four of eight behind me now, and they tell me the second four won't make me so sick. But as of now, I am SICK. I am eager for the sickness from this last round of chemo to be past me. The next four will increase in time -- they'll be four hours each instead of two hours, but if I am not nauseated, it's a good tradeoff. I am told though that these next four treatments will make my bones hurt quite badly, to the extent of needing Vicodin. Ugh. Am I ever EAGER for chemo to be a thing of the past for me. Even the thought of the word "chemo" makes me sick to my stomach.
My lovely niece's baby shower came of beautifully last Sunday. For me it was such a nice day, good to be out socially, good to see friends and family for the first time since my diagnosis. My emotions were pretty close to the surface, and it was hard to keep my tears dry each time I saw someone for the first time since my ordeal began, but it was still so nice to be out and about and not have it be to a doctor appointment. I felt pretty well that day; I was 12 days out from my previous chemo treatment, so I was having a pretty good day. But alas, another chemo treatment was at that point, only 2 more days away, and I have been down for the count ever since.
My left hand is soooooo sore from all the IVs that get poked into it with regularity. It's difficult to withstand even the tenderest touch. And my right hand/arm is still trying to recuperate from all the lymph nodes being gone. It's been a new experience trying to get by with limited use of both hands.
I continue to receive such love and support from my family and friends. This has meant more to me than God ever created words to express. Every word I can think of falls short of how thankful I am for the encouragement and love I receive. Thank you all a million times over. I am determined to get through this, but I have to repeat, this is NOT for sissies. I am not sure I will ever in my life feel normal again, but it's a small tradeoff for getting to stay alive.
So thank you everyone for all your love -- it gives me such strength. I read your cards, your comments, and your emails over and over again.
Love to all of you! Until next time,
Deb 33333333
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