Hello folks,

I am trying to get better about keeping up with my blogs, but my naps seem to get in the way.

I’m doing okay, hangin’ in there. I am just now beginning the fourth week of six weeks of radiation. So far my skin seems to be holding up okay, from what I can tell as a layman. It’s a little more tanned than it was, but other than that, the skin seems to be holding up okay. I am very liberal with the creams and lotions the doctor gave me.

Compared to chemo, radiation is a breeze, though it does make me very tired. It doesn’t hurt though, I don’t have to get poked, and it is pretty fast. I am usually in and out within a half hour, start to finish. In addition, many of the women there are also breast cancer patients, and many nice acquaintances are being formed in that waiting room. We women in there have appointments every day, all 10 minutes apart. So it is the same group of women in there every single day. It’s nice to chat with others in the same mess I’m in. I am still the winner, however, in the severity of my cancer’s stage. Everyone else is Stage 2 or lower, and here’s me at (gulp) Stage 3. The level of fear amongst all of us is the same though. Everyone in there has a sobering, calm, unspeakable fear. No one is shaking and crying, just accepting and hoping for the best. We all talk quietly amongst ourselves, often in low whispers, about all the “what if’s” we experience, as if somehow should our words be too loud, the fears will come true. And we talk about how this experience has caused drastic changes in the way we all look at things, how this has impacted all of our lives forever.

We also talk about the stories we all hear of breast cancer survivors. And we note that, unless experiencing this disease firsthand, no one really knows what it took or how hard it was for those ladies to become survivors. Until now, for all of us ladies in that waiting room, seeing breast cancer survivors celebrating was wonderful. But now we all have a whole new appreciation for WHY that celebration is so important to them. This has been a difficult and profoundly frightening battle for all of us ladies there in that waiting room. The journey has been long, painful, and so challenging. We are all tired, weak, still in pain, afraid, and feel alone, as we all sit there together with caps covering our bald heads. We all have battered self images and compromised self esteem. Yet, we all look forward to the hopeful thought of joining our brave "predecessors in pink" in the celebration of survival. Of wearing that pink ribbon and giving it the same personal stature and honor as a Purple Heart, because we earned it through a very tough fight. And we all hope and pray that one day, we’ll be strong and healthy again, so that we too, can reach out to the “newbies,” and help them through what so many courageous women who have gone before us have helped us through.

~ ~ ~ ~ SIGH ~ ~ ~ ~

My hair is coming in quite quickly, considering that just a month ago, it was all skin. My hair looks to be mostly white, but darker in back. I may just let it grow all the way back in to the length it was before without coloring it, just to see what it looks like. My eyebrows are almost totally back in, so it’s back to daily tweezing (ugh). And I am getting tired of gluing on false eyelashes (what a pain!), so it’s nice to see that my own lashes are coming in too. My nails are quite another story though. They are very short and very thin, broken and peeling. I had worn acrylics for years and years, and I would start having them done again, but the doctors advise against it. Apparently one way they monitor things is by looking at the nails, so they recommend no acrylics.

I've recently developed a severe ache in my right arm, which my radiation oncologist seems to think may possibly be lymphedema, due to the surgical removal of so many (19) of my lymph nodes on the right side. So I have yet another doctor on my team, a lymphedema specialist, whom I am scheduled to see next week.

I continue to receive many, many cards and notes from well wishers, who are praying for me and letting me know I am in their thoughts. I know I say this a LOT, but honestly, I just have no way of ever expressing what those cards mean to me. I will keep them always and treasure them. They are truly uplifting and encouraging to me. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

So until next time, I will keep all of YOU in MY prayers too. I am so blessed in so many ways, but especially in having so many people cheering me on in this battle. Thank you one and all, and forever.

Love and God’s blessings,

Deb

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